"It is impossible to live without failing at something…
Unless you live so cautiously that you may have not lived at all
In which case you fail by default."
- JK Rowling
You have started a new career which you worked hard to achieve, however you now feel that you are a very small fish in a very large pond.
You feel that you have to be on the ball all the time to prove to the others in the workplace you are worthy of the role you play there.
You may be one of the youngest in the workplace and worried that if you mess up or “fail” at something you will be seen as a failure and seen as if you are not worthy of the role you worked so hard for.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
It is not necessarily the failing that we fear, because in our lifetime failing is inevitable no matter how hard you try or how safe you try to make your life, failure will find you. You will fail at something in your life, be it in your work or personal life. Everyone in the world will fail time and time again. We have been failing at things since we were babies, from the moment we learnt to walk. But we never gave up, we were always encouraged and we continued to try until we learnt to walk.
Is it failing at work and life that we really fear or is it the embarrassment of failing and the judgement of others that we truly fear? When we are in the workplace, we are fearful of our peers changing their mind on giving you the job in the first place, that they may realise that you are really a “fraud” and made a massive mistake hiring you. Is it fear of failing or fear of what others may think of us? Fear of not having your life all figured out, not living your life as how you are supposed to according to society.
We have two options when we feel that we have, or are failing at something: We can either succumb to the failure, do what we are supposed to do, and live a life that’s not true to our desires. But by doing this we are actually already failing. Or, we can embrace our failures, we can own them, and we can choose to learn from our mistakes to ensure that the next time we do better, fail again, do better again, and each time you will get closer and closer to your ultimate goal.
You can be the best at what you want to do, but to be able to be the best at what you do, you need to be accepting and willing to fail over and over again, and asking for help over and over again.
You must remember that you are not a mistake and this is your own limiting beliefs, you worked hard to get where you are, and you deserve the role you have been given. Your peers whom you are afraid of failing in front of were once exactly where you are right now.
This is actually great news, because when you are unsure of what to do next, your peers would have probably made similar mistakes before, and have experiences and insights to share with you. Use this to your advantage and ask your peers to guide you in figuring out how to solve the issue you have.
Being able to be vulnerable actually shows people around you that you are completely worthy of the role you have been given, and it also shows that you are not afraid of asking for help and demonstrates the initiative to push yourself forward.
If you are able to embrace your failure, imagine in a few years' time, when you are looking back, you will see a young version of you feeling exactly how you feel now, and they will look up to you as a role model, as someone who inspires them and someone whom with your help, can fulfil their dream just like you fulfilled yours.
As for your personal life, you don’t need to have all the answers, because nobody does! Life isn’t a one size fits all. We are all different. We look, act, feel and see the world differently compared to the person you are sitting next to. We feel that we need to have our life all figured out, but according to whom? The society?
Remember, you are NOT "supposed to" earn a good income, be married, own a home, or have children by the time you are 30, and be a superman or superwoman. You don’t need to chase after the things society expects of you, this is your life, not the society's or anyone else’s.
You were given this life to live YOUR way and again, yes you will make mistakes, you will fail at different things, but all of this is okay. You don’t need to have it all figured out right now, because life will figure itself out as long as you keep learning and moving forward.
Remember that every mistake or failure that happens in your life is again an opportunity for you to learn and grow as a person. You are not the same person you are right now as the person you were a year ago, and you will not be same person in 6 months. We are always learning and growing sometimes without even realising that it is happening.
Sometimes some major life event happens, and they may take up more space in our life and teach us a big lesson. In these circumstances, we need to step up our game and grow more. And this is how we evolve into maturity.
Everything I have written here is the advice I wish I have received in my 20's. I wish I had explored more of my 20’s and listened to what I truly desired rather than listening to the outside. But I wouldn’t have learned these lessons and become the person I am today without going through this life journey, so I am still grateful for what I have experienced.
I will leave you with two things:
1. We find the life we truly want only by enjoying the life we already have.
2. Remember that you are NOT the same as anyone else, and that this is your life. So live your way, and embrace who you are, because you are amazing.
I hope you have a fantastic day whenever you are reading this.
Rachel Marie Coaching
Connect with Rachel on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachelmarie_coach/